Hello there
First foray into this particular domain, but it makes sense, and I’m sure all my continuing correspondents will appreciate having unbridled access to the horse’s mouth, as it were.
Those expecting a first treatise on my current work “Solecistic Deliberation Within Academic Conceptualisation” will be disappointed. This worthy tome remains in a state of limbo - pressures from without have distracted, delayed and damaged what progress I had hoped to make these past few months. Pressure not least from my work for the shadow National Gasometer Collection.
This august body, whose council I was invited to join some years ago, has been making unprecedented demands on our time. As you will know, the sNGC exists to preserve our nation’s gas-holding heritage, and we have amassed over 30 dismantled examples of Britain’s most notable gasometers ready for exhibition at an appropriate site. Following rejection by the Duke of Devonshire to house this magnificent collection on the banks of his lake at Chatsworth House in the Peak District, I and my fellow council members have been exploring and enquiring after every possible location before these ageing and impressive behemoths turn to rust.
My own personal contacts in the world of academe have not borne fruit. Other than an intriguing suggestion that Keele University be levelled to create a space for something educational, and an adventurous proposal from the Faculty of Astronomy at Imperial College that several be adapted to replicate the atmospheric conditions of a selection of the larger planetary satellites, little has been achieved. The likelihood of the latter is tenuous in the extreme, and a shame too: who would not jump at the opportunity to enjoy a lungful of whatever they’re breathing on Io, Europa, Titan and Triton these days?
A colleague on the council, the Rev. Ignatius Lumpopo, is also having trouble trying to convince Lambeth Palace that a number of redundant or misused ecclesiastical premises be razed in order to accommodate the Collection. The love Ignatius has of gasometers is well-documented, yet I fear that his passion and exuberance may have rubbed the Synod up the wrong way. His proposal that Ridley Hall be demolished to accommodate the collection on Granta Place did not go down well with the Cambridge authorities: “We’ve only just sorted out the swans - now they want to infest the place with effing gasometers” was the response from The Rev. Adrian Tompkins ThM, PhD, MA, Lecturer in Old Testament Deconstructivism and Ethics.
So I appeal to readers for suggestions - remember, the Collection needs to be placed close to an expanse of water. This would also afford a suitable venue wherein the Collection may operate “Indisputable”, its rare Edwardian coal-fired LPG tanker which, for some reason, is the only example still in existence.
A correspondent asked me recently whether I would ever consider appearing on the television again. For those of you unfamiliar with my work on the small screen, some years ago I enjoyed exploring obscure and overlooked cinema on behalf of viewers on ‘Bravo’, a channel which, strangely, changed format as I began to achieve success. Landscape, music, romance, overt prurience - I enjoyed scrutinising them all for the benefit of the viewing public. Yet my own series, ‘Television Tips and Techniques’, remains lamentably un-aired and scripts for “The Weaker Head” gather dust in the cabinet beside me as I write. A kind enquiry - perhaps the opportunity will arise again before long.
For those of you wishing to submit your essays on Abstractional Nihilism in Pre-Nubian Literature, I’m afraid the deadline has now passed.
With warmest regards
Vernon Thornycroft
Hello Vernon
ReplyDeleteDelighted to see that you've finally come around to embracing that 'new technology' I was telling you about when last we spoke. Twelve years does seem a rather protracted period in which to adapt to communicating by means, let's face it, that have been sine qua non for the rest of us for the best part of a generation.
And, although you've avoided taking my telephone calls, I am gratified that I have, at last, the means and opportunity to clear the air regarding that misunderstanding arising from our last day of filming all that time ago. Artiste changing facilities in more remote locations can be primitive and, although I know you had reservations about filming in such a remote part of the Cairngorms at the end of November, the sudden, unscheduled appearance by that platoon of the Black Watch was no more than high jinx in anticipation of their St Andrew's Day celebrations. It had nothing whatsoever to do with our filming arrangements and the outcome was sheer bad luck. The unit commander both quickly and very generously supplied a totally adequate replacement pair of trousers and wrote you a charming letter of apology. I made sure that the errant tape was tracked down within a few days and destroyed before further copies could be distributed.
I still feel that our professional relationship was in its infancy and, given time and by investing in the trust that comes from a mature and intellectual comprehension of each other's requirements, we will once again be able to pursue our mutual ambitions in the world of cultural television. I therefore find your words about wishing to return to the small screen very encouraging and look forward to perhaps speaking to you in the near future.
You know, since we last spoke, I haven't had the pleasure of directing anything as remotely worthwhile as the programmes we created together, all that time ago.
All the best, mon vieux
Anthony